hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
