she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
