jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
