So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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