I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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