I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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