Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
