Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
