Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
