the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My ass is underappreciated
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
