He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
