Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
