I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
