My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
