It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
