i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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