I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
