Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
