he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
