roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
