Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
