Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
