If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
