i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
