Where are you?
In a non slutty way
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
