i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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