I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
