I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
