Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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