Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
