It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
