I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
