Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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