Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
