Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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