I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
