i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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