dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
