I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
