I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
