im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
