Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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