I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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