I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
