mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
