Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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