I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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