kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
