My Higher Power is John Stamos
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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