i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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