Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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