At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
where does the pee come out of this thing
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
