Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
