just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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