You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
