It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
