i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
