She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
