just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
