you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
