my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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