Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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