Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
