she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
