loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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