I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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