she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
