Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
