Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
