eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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