He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
