i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
