belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.