wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.