bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer