New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
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my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
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Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.