Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
