i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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