Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
