she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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