I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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