he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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