butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
