So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
